Ranch Dressing from Scratch

When I order a salad and am given a choice of dressings, I always order the same one. Ranch. Any true ranch dressing aficionado knows that there is good ranch and there is bad ranch. Bad ranch comes in bottles or little packets at fast food restaurants and is served over iceberg salads with those teeny cubed croutons and unripe tomatoes. Bad ranch leaves a nasty chemical taste in your mouth. It is all tang with no richness. It sucks and it can ruin a perfectly good salad in an instant. GOOD ranch on the other hand is a gift from the gods. It tastes creamy and garlicky and buttermilk-y. It tastes freshly made because if it's REALLY good ranch, it probably is. It makes chicken strips and onion rings a thousand times better and don't even get me STARTED on french fries.

No matter where you go, you can never be sure which ranch you will get, fancy places sometimes serve nasty ranch and holes-in-the-wall sometimes pony up the good stuff. The secret to good ranch is making it from scratch. It's not hard and it's not expensive which is why you can find it at truck stops and diners. I urge all you ranch lovers out there to try this recipe. If you think all ranch dressing is the same, make this recipe and taste test it against any bottle of ranch you get at the store (even the kind from the refrigerated section.) I promise you, this ranch will blow the others away.
I offer two versions of my recipe, one with fresh garlic and one that only uses dried spices that you probably have in your cabinet already. They are both delicious, the one with fresh garlic is a little spicier and a lot more garlicky. Next time you get served BAD ranch, go home and make this. You'll never want to eat a salad outside your home again!

EZ RANCH
- 1 cup buttermilk
- 1 cup mayonnaise
- 1/2 tsp garlic powder
- 1/4 Tbsp Kosher salt
- 2 tsp dried parsley
- 1/2 tsp onion powder (add more to taste if you think you need it but wait 24 hours before you add)
- 1/2 tsp MSG*
- black pepper to taste
- dash of Cholula or hot sauce of your choice

Whisk together buttermilk and mayo until smooth. Add all other ingredients and whisk until blended. Chill for at least 30 minutes, taste, adjust seasonings to suit your taste then chill for another half hour before serving, overnight is better. Keeps in the fridge for over a week.

Fresh Garlic Ranch
- 1 cup buttermilk
- 1 cup mayonnaise
- 1 clove fresh garlic (med to large)
- 1 1/2 Tbsp Kosher Salt
- 2 tsp dried parsley
- 2-3 small stalks of fresh chives (chopped)
- 1/2 tsp onion powder
- 1/2 tsp MSG*
- black pepper to taste
- dash of Cholula


Cut the garlic clove into four pieces. Pour 1 Tbsp of kosher salt over the garlic then mash into a paste using a fork. Once the paste is of uniform consistency, place it in a bowl. Add the buttermilk and mayo and whisk until smooth. Add the remaining salt, parsley, chives, onion powder, MSG, pepper and Cholula and whisk together. Chill for at least 30 minutes, taste, adjust seasonings to suit your taste then chill for another half hour before serving, overnight is better. Keeps in the fridge for over a week.

Pictured is Callie's Magic Salad: Butter lettuce, diced red peppers, persian cucumber slices, halved cherry tomatoes, chopped broccoli and cauliflower, slivered toasted, unsalted almonds, shredded cheddar cheese and RANCH.

*Ok. I know what you're thinking. MSG? WTF!? #1 MSG does not give ME headaches. I have tested it. If it gives YOU headaches (or if you THINK it does) simply leave it out #2 MSG makes stuff taste better. Seriously. It does. #3 MSG is gluten free. I understand that MSG is controversial. I am just publishing my recipe exactly as I made it.

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Tequila Macerated Berries w/ Lime Whipped Cream

As summer begins to retreat, I am grabbing on with both hands; willing the long warm days and abundance of fresh fruit and veggies to linger on a bit longer. This dessert makes use of the last of the summer berries, it also screams summer. It's a perfect end to a BBQ and would even make a great picnic dessert if it's prepared ahead of time and kept cool until serving. This recipe may also give one a new appreciation for tequila. It allows you to enjoy the subtle agave flavors without the side effects of a massive headache and wondering why you're sleeping in all your clothes.

- 1 lb. container fresh strawberries (16 oz)
- 1 lb. container fresh blueberries (16 oz)
- 2 containers raspberries (8oz each)
- 2 tbsp sugar
- 4 tbsp anejo tequila (adjust to taste but don't over-do it)
- juice of one lime

Start by zesting your time and setting the zest aside for your whipped cream.
Hull and slice strawberries

Slightly muddle or gently smash blueberries with a fork (leave mostly intact, you just want to rough em up a bit so they can absorb some tequila)

Mix strawberries and blueberries and add raspberries
Spoon sugar over mixture and stir gently
Add tequila and lime juice and stir gently
Refrigerate at least two hours, up to 24, stirring once every hour.
Serve with lime whipped cream

- 1 cup heavy whipping cream
- zest of one lime
- 6 Tbsp granulated sugar

Measure sugar into a small bowl then zest lime into the sugar. Mix and refrigerate or freeze until ready to use.
Put mixing bowl and beaters in freezer until ready use but at least 30 minutes. Fill a large bowl halfway with ice and a little water. Place a smaller metal bowl on top of the ice water in the bowl and pour the cream into the smaller metal bowl. Using electric beaters or a whisk (you must have major muscles and stamina to do it old skool, a whisk attachment for electric hand beaters is ideal) whip/whisk until stiff peaks begin to form. Add sugar mixture and whip until you have light, fluffy whipped cream. DO NOT OVER-WHIP or you will make lime flavored, oily butter. Yech.

Spoon berry mixture into a bowl or goblet and top with whipped cream. This recipe is insanely good and the tequila is very subtle, not at all knock-you-on-your-butt alcohol-y.

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Blue Cheese "BCT" Coleslaw

Those of us new to a gluten-free lifestyle know that we have to be really careful and do our research when it comes to eating almost anything. Gluten hides in unexpected places like soy sauce, salad dressing and even Mc D's french fries! I had read that blue cheese often contained gluten because most blue cheese is made from bread mold. I was pretty sad to hear this because I LOVE blue cheese; I was REALLY sad about it when I had a big bite of delicious coleslaw at a party, not knowing that is was chock full of blue cheese. The one bite I had haunted me. I couldn't stop thinking about that tasty combo of crispy cabbage, tangy blue cheese and salty bacon. I had to have it. I went online to do some digging and found this helpful site.

I could eat blue cheese!?! Hallelujah! I now know that I just have to be smart and search for brands that I know do NOT contain gluten. So far I have had no trouble finding G free options. Shout out to Ralph's for incorporating new labels on their private label products that clearly show whether the item contains wheat (or any of the other eight major allergens.)

You really must try this recipe. It's insanely easy and makes the best coleslaw I have ever had, hands down. Heck, I didn't even like coleslaw until I tried this! I tweak the original by adding halved cherry tomatoes to make kind of a Blue Cheese "BCT" (bacon, cabbage, tomato) slaw. Feel free to leave the tomatoes out if they are not your thing, maybe add something else like avocado chunks (mmmmmmmmm.) This recipe is the perfect side for summer grilling.

- 8 strips of Niman Ranch bacon
- 3/4 cup mayo
- 2 tbsp apple cider vinegar
- 1 tbsp honey
- 1 tbsp dijon mustard
- 1/3 cup sour cream
- pinch of celery salt
- 16 oz coleslaw mix
- 1 cup crumbled blue cheese
- 1/2 cup cherry tomatoes, halved

Pre-heat oven to 375.
Place bacon strips on a foil lined cookie sheet. Cook for about 20 minutes or until very crispy but not burned. Drain and cool the strips on paper towels then chop or crumble them into small pieces.

Whisk together all wet ingredients, add the blue cheese, sprinkle in celery salt to taste and whisk some more.

Stir in the coleslaw mix and sprinkle in the bacon.

Top with tomatoes, mix gently and serve!

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Extra Crunchy Gluten Free Chicken Strips

*
One thing I miss about being able to eat wheat is the blessed, heavenly crunch of deep fried whatever. I am not super picky when it comes to fried things. Onion rings, fries, calamari, mozzarella, Oreos, Snickers bars, you name it, batter it and fry it and I will eat it (except chicken fried steak: NASTY!!!!)

Though my scale hasn't bemoaned the absence of these delicacies, my tastebuds surely have and thus I decided it was high time I bought a deep fryer. I found the perfect one: sleek, compact and it actually fits easily on my countertop! So what if it can only fit two chicken tenders or about five french fries at a time? Fried chicken doesn't have to be hot to be good! I fired this baby up for the first time to make a batch of crunchy chicken tenders. Now, when I say crunchy I mean you can barely hear your own thoughts when you eat these bad boys. In other words, they were perfect.

*I served the strips with my Blue Cheese Bacon Coleslaw and Parmesan Garlic Dipping Sauce. The Sauce recipe is in this post, the slaw will be my next one.

- 14 boneless, skinless chicken breast tenders (I bought them pre-cut and trimmed but you can also just cut up chicken breasts)

Marinade/Seasoning
(Mix dry ingredients then divide in half and reserve half for batter)
- 2 tbsp smoked paprika
- 2 tbsp kosher salt
- 2 tbsp garlic powder
- 1 tbsp onion powder
- 1 tbsp cayenne pepper
- 1 tsp black pepper
- 2 cups buttermilk

Batter
- 1 cup all-purpose gluten free flour (I used Bob's Red Mill All Purpose Baking Flour)
- 1 cup cornstarch
- 1 tsp gluten free baking powder
- 1 tsp sugar
- reserved seasoning mix
- 1 can club soda

Crunch
- 6 cups gluten free Rice Chex cereal

Mix dry ingredients for the marinade then divide into two parts.

Put half in a large plastic ziplock bag and save the other half. Pour the buttermilk into the bag and seal it mix the powder and buttermilk well by shaking and squeezing the bag. Put the chicken tender strips in the bag and refrigerate overnight or for at least five hours.

To prepare the coating, place the Chex into another zip bag and squeeze out most of the air then seal the bag. Roll over the bag with a rolling pin to crush the Chex. You want it really crushed. Trust that even crushed into a semi-fine powder, this will make a nice crunchy coating. Once it's crushed up, pour it into a shallow pan (something with sides) for dredging.

To prepare the batter, pour the flour, cornstarch, baking powder, sugar and the rest of your seasoning mix into another shallow pan and mix with a fork until combined. Pour the club soda into the mixture and stir until thoroughly combined. You may not want to use the whole can of club soda. Start with half a can and add until your batter is your preferred consistency. I used a whole can but I wish I had used less and made a thicker batter.

Line a pan or baking dish with plastic wrap to put your breaded tenders in. One at a time, take the tenders from the bag with the marinade and dredge them first in the batter mixture then coat them evenly with crushed Chex. Place each coated tender in the dish. Once the dish is full, add another layer of plastic wrap then put another layer of tenders on top then cover that layer with plastic wrap and so on until all the tenders are coated with batter and the coating and all are securely covered with plastic wrap. Put the dish of tenders in the refrigerator for at least one hour before frying.

To fry: I used peanut oil and followed the instructions on my deep fryer. If you don't have a deep fryer, fill a large, deep pot or skillet with enough peanut oil so that the tenders will be able to float if you place two or three in the pot at a time. Heat the oil to 375-400 degrees F (make sure you use a thermometer.) When the oil comes up to temperature, drop in a couple of tenders. Let cook for about 6-8 minutes. Check your first tender for doneness then figure out how long your tenders will need to cook based on that. Fry the tenders two at a time and place them on a cooling rack to cool. Serve with a dipping sauce like my garlic parmesan mayo!

Garlic Parmesan Dipping Sauce
- 1/2 cup Mayo
- 2 cloves crushed garlic
- 1/3 cup Parmesan grated on the smallest hole on a box grater (the one that basically makes a powder)
- 2 small sprigs of fresh thyme (discard the stems and chop the leaves)

Mix together, refrigerate for at least 30 minutes and serve!

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Crispy, Crunchy Roasted Chickpeas

I had a can of chickpeas sitting on my shelf for ages and couldn't decide whether to make hummus or the recipe below. I decided on crunchy versus creamy and went with this awesome snack. It makes a great MUCH healthier stand in for popcorn when watching a movie. Give it a try!

- 1 14.5 oz can chickpeas (garbanzo beans)
- 1 tsp olive oil
- 1/2 tsp smoked sea salt (more or less to taste)
- 1-2 sprigs chopped fresh thyme
- pinch of garlic salt

Pre-heat oven to 425 degrees.
Drain and rinse chickpeas then dry them well using paper towels.
Pour them into an even layer on a baking sheet lined with tinfoil.

Roast in the oven at 425 for 20 minutes then remove them and let them cool for a few minutes.
Pour into a bowl and add olive oil, salt, garlic salt and fresh thyme and mix until the beans are all nicely coated.

Pour them back onto the baking sheet and roast for another 10-15 minutes until all the beans are caremely-golden brown. You want them crunchy so make sure they are all nice and dark brown but not burned.

Pull out the baking sheet and let them cool then pour back into the bowl. Once they are ready to taste, tweak the seasoning to suit your palette.

You can play with seasoning on this, try fresh garlic, rosemary, cayenne or cumin. The possibilities are endless!
I used fresh thyme from my poor, struggling herb garden.

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Stone Fruit Sangria

It's hot in LA. It's finally Summer. June was gray and gloomy and we all whined about it so much that mother nature is getting back at us now, erasing all clouds and keeping the sun dialed up to 10. No biggie. Sit back with this delicious fizzy drink and enjoy life in the best city in the USA (although Money Magazine gives that title to my hometown. Represent, Louisville, CO!)

For this beachy, peachy drink I sought out every variety of stone fruit I could find. We got yr peaches, yr apricots, yr plums and more. Find whatever is in season at your farmers market, chop it up and toss it in. You can't go wrong with this one!

- 1 large peach
- 1 large nectarine
- 1 apricot
- 1 black apricot
- 1 red plum
- 1 black plum
- 4 strawberries
- 1 handful of blueberries
- 1 cup peach schnapps
- 1 bottle prosecco

Pit the stone fruit and cut them into small chunks (1/2 inch or smaller.)
Hull the strawberries and cut into smaller chunks.
Place all fruit in a pitcher or bowl and pour the peach schnapps over the top. Mix and muddle gently with a spoon then refrigerate for at least an hour, a few hours would be ideal.

Remove the mixture from the fridge and pour into a glasses filling about halfway. Fill the rest with ice cold prosecco, mix with a swizzle stick and serve immediately.

This stuff tastes easy-breezy but it packs a punch so pace yourself...or just go crazy and knock yourself out!

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Bananas Foster

Sometimes I just get a craving for something and I absolutely have to make it right away or I'll be cranky and distracted until I do. Does this ever happen to you?

A few weeks ago the thought of bananas foster popped into my head and would not go away. I'd never made it before but I've had it a few times and the idea of gooey caramel sauce and warm sweet bananas with cold, creamy vanilla ice cream would not leave me alone. I had to make it.

This recipe is pretty straightforward with a few easy to find ingredients. There are a lot of variations out there with cinnamon or vanilla but I wanted to let the butter and sugar star. I did add a little kosher salt to bump up the caramel taste but you can add or subtract anything you like. This was the sous chef's first time trying this dish and he gave it two thumbs up.

- 4 bananas, not overripe but not green (I like mine a little tart but they need to have enough sugar in them to get a little mushy and soak up the yummy sauce)
- 1 stick of butter
- 1/2 cup brown sugar
- 1/4 cup dark rum
- 2 tbsp banana liqueur
- Pinch of kosher salt to taste
- Vanilla ice cream

Peel bananas then cut in half across the middles. Slice the halves lengthwise so you have quartered the bananas.

Melt butter over medium heat in a skillet or pan large enough to hold all the bananas in without having to pile them on top of one another. (my skillet was too small. It worked OK but would have been better with a larger skillet so the sauce could get a little thicker and coat the fruit more evenly)

Once it's melted add the brown sugar until it's mixed and has begun to melt and bubble.
Spread the bananas in the mixture face down and let them simmer about 1 minute.
Flip bananas over so the other side can caramelize and let cook for another minute.

Pour in the rum and the banana liqueur and tilt the pan toward you so the liquor pools near the edge then light the liquor using a long kitchen match or long lighter. Careful! It may flame up pretty high.
Shift the pan so the booze distributes then let it burn out. Stir a bit to incorporate the sauce and bananas.

Place bananas on top of vanilla ice cream then pour remaining sauce over the top. Serve fast, the ice cream starts to melt right away! So rich!

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